Wednesday, August 22, 2012

That Girl is Poisonnned!!!

I apologize for not updating my blog lately.  A lot has been happening and I've been having trouble getting my thoughts together.

The drugs I first received for my very first rounds of chemo were Taxotere Carboplatin.  It works by stopping the growth and spread of cancer cells.  Although it's supposed to kill cancer cells, it also kills healthy cells as well.  Basically, it's poison.  I were to receive this poison once every 3 weeks for 6 treatments.

I started chemo in February 2010.  Many of you asked me how it felt like.  It felt like shit!!!!!  Receiving of the chemo is the easy part.  It's the side effects that suck!!  The best way for me to describe it is having the flu while pregnant.  I constantly had a metallic taste in my mouth that prevented me from eating yet I was starving. It was so bad that even the thought of chocolate made my stomach turn ( and boy, do I love chocolate) and water tasted like an uncoated pill dissolving in your mouth.  I had to force myself to drink Ensure.  At the time, I thought Ensure was for senior citizens but apparently not.  One good thing was that I lost about 20 lbs.  When people asked me how I lost weight I would tell them, "It's called the Chemo Diet.  I don't recommend it."  Another good thing that came about was that it cleared my skin.  I've always suffered from adult acne and oily skin but as soon as I started chemo it cleared it right up. People would comment that my face was glowing.  Come to think of it, I actually was from the radiation of the PET scans (hardy har har!!!).  

The flu like symptoms were horrendous.  My joints and muscles were stiff and achy.  I was difficult to move my hands.  Chris and my mom would have to message my hands and legs every day.  Also the hot flashes.  One second I'm freezing then in a split of a second it's like a bolt of lighting would strike the back of my neck setting my head on fire. Sometimes I would wake up thinking that I had peed all over myself only to realize I was drenched in sweat.

Picking out a wig was no easy task either.  Man, those things are expensive!!!!  Choosing a wig was one thing I was dreading but was much needed.  We had explained to the boys that I will lose my hair but I would be wearing a wig sometimes.  I told them that I'll try not to wear it all the time because it got so hot and itchy.  At first the boys thought it was cool but at times when we would get ready to leave the house wigless, Andrew would ask me, "Mom, are you going to put you're wig on?" I think he felt a little embarrassed when I was went without my wig but he didn't want to say anything. So I didn't embarrass the boys I wore that damn rug on my head and didn't say a work. Sigh...I love my boys!!!

My last treatment was June 2010 but I still had to wait for the results of the PET scan.  The scan wasn't scheduled until another 2 weeks after my last treatment and I wouldn't get the results until another few days after that.  Talk about torture.  My emotions were running high but I was completely tuned out.  Poor Chris.  He thought heading up to DC to visit family, museums, and a baseball game would be a good distraction, which I thought was a good idea as well but walking around DC and going to a Nationals game in 110 degree heat index wasn't the distraction we were looking for.  Not once did I complain because it hurt to even talk and when I did talk I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth...I was just "there". Complaining would just make it worst.

It was any day that we would receive the results.  It was about 8 p.m. and we were in Harris Teeter when my Chris' mobile rang.  I didn't think anything of it since he get calls all the time from his work.  He disappeared for a few minutes and I continued to grocery shop with the boys.  When he reappeared he said, "That was Dr. Rogers."  Once I heard "Dr. Rogers", I panicked and I immediately started to cry.  "What was it?  What did she want?  Why was she calling this late?"  Chris said that the results came out clear!!!  

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